Friday, May 23, 2008

At peace?

"let us go in peace to love and serve the Lord and one another"



we hear this after every Mass... It is our mission, our lifeline.



In Peace



Before being able to soar in the winds of Divine Love, before being able to live the depths of Joy of sacrificial Love, first, above and before we have to be at Peace. We have to walk in Peace. To go in Peace. A long time ago I learned a lesson, that once again I need to remember. At the time I was disturbed because I was not at peace (get it? I was not at peace because I didn't have peace...ha!)



But under the gaze of the image of Divine Mercy I learned that peace is fruit, peace is timony of Humility, Hope and Trust. First we come in Humility, broken, defeated, scared and disturbed. We acknowledge our sin, our failure, our brokennes. By His grace Faith is born in our hearts. In Faith we raise our eyes to Him and when we see him so beutiful, so loving, so full of tenderness towards our poor bruised heart we Hope.



So now, we know that He is good, that He cares about our life, that He is by our side. He know in Faith that He will guide us, that He is looking out for us, that He is our Shepherd.... and so we rest. And so we close our eyes as He gathers us in His arms and we lay our head on His chest....and we are, finally, gloriously, happily, at Peace.



........................



more tomorrow on the rest of the Rubric. Good nights my beloved people!

Friday, May 16, 2008

ITS ALIVE!!!

This blog, that is! after about almost eight months of silence , this blog has officially come back to life. I got a blackberry so hopefully I should be able to post! I'll try to post as often as I can, always with a little anecdote, random thought, fun picture or something that will be uplifiting and hopefully make some little soul say, praise the Lord!

............................

A Thought

I've decided I will Dream again.
I will dare to dream.
I will dare to plan my future and see with excitement how He completelly changes them into something even better.
I will dare to truly believe His words that say "I have a future of Joy for you."
.......................
Today...

I praise the Lord! I had a beautiful evening!

spent time with two of my dearest friends. Good beautiful quality time.
Lunch at noon and at the evening an hour long walk/talk....

So anyway...Praise the Lord!

Friday, September 28, 2007

see u around :)

Well... got a new job, a good great God-blessing job... but because of my new responsabilities I don't really have that much time to bum around the internet, so you might see me less... but I'll still be around from time to time. God bless!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Good News all around :)

More than a year ago my family and I were in a foreign country being inmigrants once again. Circumstances took us there, to the other side of the world, alone and looking for employment.

there...a priest befriended us.

I approached him asking whether he knew about any Young Adult Ministries... he didn't...but he invited us over for dinner.

A series of dinners, and late-into-the-night chats came into being. Joy and fraternity and care. Him shouting and hitting the table expounding his big BIG opinions about politics/religion/spirituality... us looking, and commenting against or in support of, food, great food and him being a father to us.

our attempt to immigrate to that country came to nothing. We had to leave. As a father, he took us to the airport and said a quick goodbye. For a while I thought it was cold... now I think he probably was fighting back tears.

We exchanged a couple of letters...

but distance was too much.

and we didn't hear from each other in a long while...

UNTIL TODAY!!!

A beutiful e-mail. (praise God for the Internet!)
short, sweet and full of him, the priest who was a father to us, loud yet deeply deeply spiritual.

I'm so happy today, with memories of that summer that marked my life forever.
In the most beutiful city I've ever been at, besides the most beutiful souls I've ever met!

And as I laugh and laugh and dance and thank, and God laughs and laughs, with a deep, shoulder shaking, belly laugh!! Thank God for fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters and friends and random people that we stumble up in our path!!

Monday, September 17, 2007

awake

Last night (at around 11p.m) I was at Adoration when an interesting character walked in...young, strong, dressed in immaculate black with his pure white collar. He kneeled in a perfect 90 degree angle in one of the kneelers and opened his breviary. The guy looked like a soldier, his face was stoic and his movements planned and carefully measured. The guy oozed discipline!

then

he proceded to nod off.

poor guy! he was seriously passing out. He would look at his breviary, briefly close his eyes and pass out. Then he would jerk back his head, blink twice and open his eyes wide trying to wake himself up. (I know I should have been watching Jesus and not this guy but I just couldn't help it!)

I've seen him before, I don't know him but I've heard about him. He is the son of a family here in town. He went off to join some order (jesuits? legionaries? Opus Dei? one of those) and comes to visit like once a year. I don't think he is ordained but he wears clericals.
Everytime I've seen him he looks extremelly disciplined, walking like some gentleman/warrior of old, he ain't more than 30 years old...
but this time, I saw him nod off and pass out in adoration.
and it touched my heart deeply.
Just to know that it doesn't matter how disciplined, how "strong", how brave, how holy... at the end we are all weak children of our Lord.... that no matter how much effort, we will pass out and fall asleep... but that He won't. He will stay there, lovingly looking upon us.
Singing lullabies to us.
Being faithful and staying awake.

Friday, September 14, 2007

lukewarm lovers...

Yesterday I was thinking.... there is nothing worse than a lukewarm lover!

Maybe you've been in a relationship where you were the most emotionally involved of the two... you know how it goes. You think and think about this person and long to see them and when you finally see them they have a "oh-you-are-here" reaction... And you realize they weren't as thrilled to see you as you were to see them... by far...yeah. A real disappointment. Unrequited love. They might love you/like you, after all, you are in a relationship together, but your heart is broken anyway for the fire in your heart is not mutual. Love desires two things, self-gift and union...and if the union is not there...wow, it hurts.

and I thought of The Beloved.... with what ardor He loves us! He loves my soul passionatelly, in fact He thirsts for me, longs for my love. "I was eager to eat this passover with you"(lk 22:15) He is eager.

But when He approaches me, in prayer, through my bethren... am I also eager? or am I lukewarm lover? when I receive him in the Eucharist do I have a "oh-you-are-here" reaction? when He comes to me through one of my bethren that need charity...does His heart break when He meets my coldness, my indiference?

I would never have the following conversations with a boyfriend:
bfriend: (holding my hands, very lovingly) I want to spend time with you
me: uhh..well ... I don't really have time... (taking my hands away from his and checking my planner) what if we see each other at the end of the day (when I am absolutely exhausted) for about 15 min?
or
bfriend: I love you (holding my hands, stars over us)
me: oh, thanks. that's cool... btw, are you gonna eat that?

yet, many times conversations like these ones go on between my Soul and Him Who Loves Me.

forgive me, Beloved, for being a lukewarm lover!!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Yesterday afternoon I was taking a walk on Campus... The tall trees poured their leaves like a waterfall, and the sun was gentle, the sky was big. A beutiful clear afternoon... I dialed in my cellphone the phone of my granparents (who live in another country) and my granma picked up.

When I heard her voice suddenly all the beuty of the trees, the sky and the evening disappeared. She was having a dementia episode... everything became grey.

Her voice over the phone made want to break into tears. She recognized me, but she couldn't remember where I was ( I moved away 7 years ago yet she kept being surprised about me not being in our hometown).... she sounded scared, nervous, confused, yet, being the proper lady she is she tried to mask it saying "oh! we are all fine!" I talked to her a little, but she was too nervous to hold a conversation. She kept asking over and over where I was and when I would tell her she would say worriedly "oh! you are so far!" It broke my heart. My throat became a knot.

we said our goodbyes and she hanged up hurriedly.

I stood there in the afternoon. wanting to weep. and lifting my soul "Lord!"

I kept walking. The trees and the grass and the sky were so inviting and seemed memories of an inocent carefree time. And suddenly, I felt Therese present.

Hallo! it was like she had said and started walking besides me.
We didn't say anything... but somehow her prescence made me remeber her dad.

Therese of Liseux's dad died of dementia.

He was a a sweet and strong father and a holy man that raised 4 carmelites, one of them an extraordinary saint....

I sighed and pictured him, young again, strong, manly and holy walking besides me and his daughter Therese... and I asked him to take care of my own poor granma...

Even though I can't see them... I bet he looked kindly upon me and nodded.

Today a friend told me he was praying form my granma, out of the blue....

Thank God for the Saints.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

the Kingdom

The kingdom of God does not mean eating or drinking this or that, it means righteousness and peace and joy brought by the Holy Spirit. Rm 14:17-18

Some days ago the priest in my parish said that the Kingdom is here and now. That Christ said "the Kingdom of God is among you" and that we should be trying to enter and be in the kingdom right now right here, and stop thinking about it being something that "happens" after death. (of course it is, but you get what I'm saying)

and then the Beloved shows me this verse....

Righteousness. Following the commandments of God and the precepts of the Church. Fulfilling our vocation, and not only that! It means having a "right" heart. A pure heart, a selfless heart, a virtuous heart.... This is our part of the deal. It is working, fighting, bleeding for a right heart. It is having spiritual discipline. It is prayer, mortification and the practice of penance and virtue.

Peace. This is a fruit of Trust. The true Peace comes from Trusting that God is a loving God that cares for us. That whatever happens He is God and since He is Good and Loves us...it will be ok. This part of the kingdom requires us to have Trust in Him...and His part is the fruit of that Trust... Peace.

Joy. This is a fruit of Love. It is a response of knowing ourselves Loved... supremelly Loved by Him, the most beautiful of the sons of men (psalm 45), the Beauty ever ancient-ever new. It comes from a dialogue with the Beloved, it comes from sitting under the stars resting in His chest, listening to His heart beat, while His warm pierced hand rests in ours, as He kisses our forehead.... it is Joy, it is the Joy of being loved by Love himself! But in our world, specially in our culture and time when despair, desperation, loneliness, suicide, tears are so common, and for those of us for whom despair is a temptation, as enticing as any drug, we are called to make a choice for Joy. To make the choice to listen to His whispers, to accept His love, so we can have Joy.

Prayer, Mortification, the Practice of virtue (purity, patience, selflessnes, LOVE), Trust in Him that brings Peace, and allowing ourselves to be loved that brings Joy...

summed up: Living a life of Love with Him and with them (our brothers and sisters)... THAT IS THE KINGDOM! HERE AND NOW!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007


"Only if we look to Christ, if we love him, will we overcome laziness and love of comfort, will we emerge from the ivory tower that each of us tends to build for himself, will we make many blind people see Christ, many deaf people hear him, and many cripples walk beside him. God needs our cooperation." In Conversation with God. Francis Fernandez.


Artwork by Macha Chmakoff

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

He taught them as one who had authority
Mark 1:22
"Jesus doesn't expound just a mere opinion, nor does He show any sign of uncertaint or of doubt. He does not speak like the prophets, in God's name, because He is not just another prophet: he speaks in his own name: I say to you..." In Conversation with God. Francis Fernandez.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Entice Me


The red beads of the rosary
Between my fingers

The pang of hunger
In my insides

Prayer and mortification
The wings of perseverance

Yet it all becomes sand dust
It all becomes a clanging cymbal
if I do not walk into the night
to meet You.

Place Your warm hand
Over mine

Kiss my forehead
Entice me.

painting by Myra Mandel

Thursday, August 30, 2007

heartbeat

Your Heart
My Soul

Your hand of rubies,
Enclosing my hand of flesh

Your radiance dancing
to the song of the Trinity

I cannot hear it, Beloved,
but I’ll let you lead me.

I’ll dance in silence
Resting my head upon Your chest
Dancing to the melody
Of your heartbeat…

Painting by Myra Mandel

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Come be my Light


Come, be my light.
Come, be my strength.

The waves of this black ocean
rise above me.
Come calm the storm
within me.

drawing by Edouard Leon Louis

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

wow!

Closing speeches and adresses of Vatican II Council.

TO WOMEN (read by Leon Cardinal Duval of Algiers, Algeria, assisted by Julius Cardinal Doepfner of Munich, Germany, and Raul Cardinal Siloa of Santiago, Chile.)

And now it is to you that we address ourselves, women of all states—girls, wives, mothers and widows, to you also, consecrated virgins and women living alone—you constitute half of the immense human family.

As you know, the Church is proud to have glorified and liberated woman, and in the course of the centuries, in diversity of characters, to have brought into relief her basic equality with man. But the hour is coming, in fact has come, when the vocation of woman is being achieved in its fullness, the hour in which woman acquires in the world an influence, an effect and a power never hitherto achieved. That is why, at this moment when the human race is under-going so deep a transformation, women impregnated with the spirit of the Gospel can do so much to aid mankind in not falling.

You women have always had as your lot the protection of the home, the love of beginnings and an understanding of cradles. You are present in the mystery of a life beginning. You offer consolation in the departure of death. Our technology runs the risk of becoming inhuman. Reconcile men with life and above all, we beseech you, watch carefully over the future of our race. Hold back the hand of man who, in a moment of folly, might attempt to destroy human civilization.

Wives, mothers of families, the first educators of the human race in the intimacy of the family circle, pass on to your sons and your daughters the traditions of your fathers at the same time that you prepare them for an unsearchable future. Always remember that by her children a mother belongs to that future which perhaps she will not see.

And you, women living alone, realize what you can accomplish through your dedicated vocation. Society is appealing to you on all sides. Not even families can live without the help of those who have no families. Especially you, consecrated virgins, in a world where egoism and the search for pleasure would become law, be the guardians of purity, unselfishness and piety. Jesus who has given to conjugal love all its plenitudes, has also exalted the renouncement of human love when this is for the sake of divine love and for the service of all.

Lastly, women in trial, who stand upright at the foot of the cross like Mary, you who so often in history have given to men the strength to battle unto the very end and to give witness to the point of martyrdom, aid them now still once more to retain courage in their great undertakings, while at the same time maintaining patience and an esteem for humble beginnings.

Women, you do know how to make truth sweet, tender and accessible, make it your task to bring the spirit of this council into institutions, schools, homes and daily life. Women of the entire universe, whether Christian or non-believing, you to whom life is entrusted at this grave moment in history, it is for you to save the peace of the world.

--------------------

Gosh! the Church's call to women is for us "to save the peace of the world"! Wow! I gotta take that to prayer, I love the comment about mainining "an esteem for humble beginnings"

Monday, August 27, 2007

Mother Teresa

Ok, so you've GOT to check out THIS LINK

It's about Mother Teresa's Dark Night of the Soul which seems to have been...ahem...long.
And by "long" I mean...LOOOONNNGG. Pretty much the rest of her life after she started working in Calcutta.

It seems that her work had a "spiritual side" no one knew about... her spiritual life was and echo of Jesus' piercing cry "My God, My God why have you abandoned me?"

Redemptive suffering...What she suffered is so...so...beautiful.
I really can't describe it... I mean... I know it was horrible and heart-breaking and it almost broke her soul...but she was Victorious. She was faithful...and her Beloved embraced her at the end...and the darkness was lifted.

I'm so moved...

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

bored

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.
wow...I just answered questions about animals... and it is surprinsingly accurate! :O

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

a letter from a friend

It had been a while, but Father De Sales sent me a letter today... and like always, it was exactly what I needed to hear...

Do not look forward to the trials and crosses of this life with dread and fear. Rather, look to them with full confidence that, as they arise, God to Whom you belong, will deliver you from them.He has guided and guarded you thus far in life. Do you but hold fast to His dear Hand, and He will lead you safely through all trials.

Whenever you cannot stand He will carry you lovingly in His arms.

Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow. The same Eternal Father Who cares for you today will take good care of you tomorrw and every day of your life. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you the unfailing stregth to bear it.

Be at peace then and puta side all useles thoughts, all vain dreads and all anxious imaginations...

St. Francis De Sales
Father De Sales always knows the right thing to say...

Thursday, August 16, 2007

about being single...

I’ve realized there really is no “singleness” in the life of a Christian. I mean, if we define being single as not being married then yes, but if we define being single as not having a family to take care of, as having “our times for ourselves,” then I would say no, no and no!

Us, the single have a large, large family to take care of. Every single person around us, every single human being is my brother and sister, their aches, sorrows and needs are my business, and I have the responsibility, the duty of taking care of them. Of dying for them. We are called to die for others, specially those nearest to us.

If we are married those people are our husband and children, but if we are single it can be our parents, siblings, friends, strangers around us. I have seen in my spiritual life, that if I am not experiencing the same amount of self-sacrifice that any mother/wife of a family experiences is because I am not opening my eyes to the needs of others around me.

But this is all good and dandy… lets see if I actually put it to practice! Ha ha!

Because the single life has a great temptation attached to it: self centerness. The lie that since we have not given vows to no one we have no real “responsibility” or “duty” toward no one. A lie! But its Oh! So easy to fall into that trap, the temptation of being lukewarm, of indifference, of blindness to the needs of others… wouldn't it be great to take a "temporal vow" while being single to love others, to die for others, just like we take vows to "die" for our husband/wife/children at the wedding?

I am very very selfish. Just as I am writing this I am realizing how selfish and self-centered I have been in my single life.

Like you all know I have considered a call to celibacy. To perpetual virginity...for the Kingdom... About three years ago I almost entered a convent… I had asked for the paper work, spent two weeks there.... all was ready... but then the Beloved talked to me and told me that I would never make it because I did not have a selfless motherly heart at the time. I was terribly self-centered. Being celibate means being a Bride to Christ and a mother for the whole world… but my heart was selfish, I could not see beyond my own needs.

So the Beloved lovingly told me “no…at least not yet.” So for the last years I’ve focused on loving and dying for others… I say “focused” even though many many times I’ve lost focus and gone back to being selfish. Terribly selfish.

I have dated, I've fallen in love twice in my life and both times I've been loved back... I’ve chosen the names that I will give to my babies if I ever have children…but even now, at times my heart aches to have an undivided heart, a virginal heart for the King, for the Beloved, for the Groom... and to be able to love and die for the world…

Whether I become a nun or not is up to God, but now I find myself single. And it’s a life of challenge, of struggle, of death in the Cross and of Victory.

And for all of you all singles’ out there I want to tell you… we have work to do! For the Kingdom! Men, be husbands to the Church just like Christ. Women! Be Brides of Christ! And let us all of us, singles, be mothers and fathers to the world!!

Monday, August 13, 2007

on Solitude....

I am home alone...
in Solitude...

it had been over a year since I woke up in the morning and there was no one at home...
it had been a long time since I could just stretch in the sun coming from the window and know it just me and Him...

Silence.

Quiet.

and suddenly, Battle.

Raging Battle in the Heart and the Mind. What is it about Silence and Solitude that suddenly our fears, sins, temptations and sorrows come fresh to the top? is it the lack of distractions? The hermits of old didn't go to the desert just to chill with God. They went into battle. They went because it was thought that the desert was inhabited by demons. The hermits went to face the devil in his own battleground...and they were victorious.

Solitude. Silence. Battle, and Victory.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

by St. John of the Cross

Songs of the soul that rejoices in having reached the high state of perfection, which is union with God, by the path of spiritual negation.

O guiding night!O night more lovely than the dawn!
O night that has united the Lover with his beloved,
transforming the beloved in her Lover.

Upon my flowering breast,
which I kept wholly for him alone,
there he lay sleeping,
and I caressing him
there in a breeze from the fanning cedars.

When the breeze blew from the turret,
as I parted his hair,
it wounded my neck
with its gentle hand,
suspending all my senses.

I abandoned and forgot myself,
laying my face on my Beloved;
all things ceased; I went out from myself,
leaving my cares
forgotten among the lilies.

.............................

¡O noche, que guiaste!
¡O noche amable más que la alborada!
¡oh noche que juntaste amado con amada,
amada en el amado transformada!

En mi pecho florido,
que entero para él solo se guardaba
allí quedó dormido
y yo le regalaba
y el ventalle de cedros aire daba.

El aire de la almena
cuando yo sus cavellos esparcía
con su mano serena
en mi cuello hería
y todos mis sentidos suspendía.

Quedéme y olvidéme
el rostro recliné sobre el amado;
ceso todo, y quedeme
dejando mi cuidado
entre las azucenas olvidado.