talk about answered prayers!

So...someone put up this comment:

"Ali...You're at a crossroads, and it is time to act. It is true that prayer, fasting, sacraments, and study always are always necessary ... and now for you pointedly to serve the poorest of the poor, as a Catholic...serve by following Catholic doctrine; this is the way the saints have always found what it is God wanted specifically for them. You will realize your specific vocation as you serve. It will be that good that needs to be done in His name and that you are capable of doing, while you leave yourself behind."

wow...whoever that was, thank You.

Indeed my heart has been burning lately. Desiring to love and die for my neighbor... it is time to Serve and in serving I will find what God wants specifically from me... In about a month my life will change radically. Up till now I've been serving my family, but in three weeks I will be free to serve in a different level... and I know there is no need to go to a far away place...right here in my town there are elderly weeping in loneliness, sick in need of love, fellow Christians that need to hear about the treasures of the King in the Church, unborn being murdered, children that go hungry...

After all, what if I die today? what will I tell the Lord? "i held unto the gifts you gave because I was 'discerning' in what vocation you wanted me to use them?" or will I be able to answer "I exhausted myself in Your name"

Plus, this is the reading for today's Lauds:

"Each one of you has received a special grace, so, like good stewards responsible for all these different graces of God, put yourselves at the service of others. If you are a speaker, speak in words which seem to come from God; if you are a helper, help as though every action was done at God’s orders; so that in everything God may receive the glory, through Jesus Christ, since to him alone belong all glory and power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Pt. 4:10-11

How much clearer can it get?!

Lord! Here I am!!

Thank you to the person that put up that post!

Conversations...

Conversation of the Merciful God with a Sinful Soul.

Jesus: Be not afraid of your Savior, O sinful soul. I make the first move to come to you, for I know that by yourself you are unable to lift yourself to me. Child, do not run away from your Father; be willing to talk openly with Your God of mercy who wants to speak words of pardon and lavish his graces on you. How dear your soul is to Me! I have inscribed your name upon My hand; you are engraved as a deep wound in My Heart.

Soul: Lord I hear Your voice calling me to turn back from the path of sin, but I have neither the strength nor the courage to do so. Jesus: I am your strength, I will help you in the struggle. Soul: Lord I recognize Your holiness and I fear You.

Jesus: My child, do you fear the God of mercy? My holiness does not prevent Me from being merciful. Behold. for you I have established a throne of mercy on earth - the tabernacle - and from this throne I desire to enter into your heart. I am not surrounded by a retinue of guards. You can come to Me at any moment, at any time; I want to speak to you and desire to grant you grace.

Soul: Lord, I doubt that You will pardon my numerous sins; my misery fills me with fright.

Jesus: My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire World. Who can measure the extent of my goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed Myself to be nailed to the Cross; for you I let My Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. Your misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy. Do not argue with Me about your wretchedness. You will give me pleasure if you hand over to Me all your troubles and griefs. I shall heap upon you the treasures of My grace.

Soul: You have conquered, O Lord, my stony heart with Your goodness. In trust and humility I approach the tribunal of Your mercy, where You yourself absolve me by the hand of your representative. O Lord, I feel Your grace and Your peace filling my poor soul. I feel overwhelmed by Your mercy, O Lord. You forgive me, which is more than I dared to hope for or could imagine. Your goodness surpasses all my desires. And now, filled with gratitude for so many graces, I invite You to my heart. I wandered, like a prodigal child gone astray; but You did not cease to be my Father. Increase Your mercy toward me, for You see how weak I am.

Jesus: Child, speak no more of your misery; it is already forgotten. Listen, My child, to what I desire to tell you. Come close to My wounds and draw from the Fountain of Life whatever your heart desires. Drink copiously from the Fountain of Life and you will not weary on your journey. Look at the splendors of My mercy and do not fear the enemies of your salvation. Glorify My mercy

-From the Diary of St. Fautina Kowalska

breathing...

ok. I'm breathing again....uhh...chill...

and here is a little note that Father De Sales sent me last night:

" Make yourself familiar with the angels,

and behold them frequently in spirit;

for without being seen,

they are present with you."

~st.francis of sales.

Say Hi to your guardian angel today! :)

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

sorry, sorry sorry, been gone for a while I know I know...

just big thing happening. Parents got a big job. They are "moving out" (aww...parents grow up so fast! tear!) and trying to find a place for me and preparing myself mentally for living by myself for the first time... eeek! Plus my brother got married with all the madness that that entails, and I am going off in an international trip next weekend....arrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

talking about vocations...

so my spiritual director asked me the other day... do you ever think about what you want to do...er...long term? (I love him, he is so good at not being pushy towards any direction) and then a friend of mine (who is not good at not being pushy but who I thank cuz sometimes I need a push) asked me "so when are you leaving for the convent?" to make matters worse (or better?) I had been feeling in my heart the question of "what is Your Will? what do you want me to do?" after about three years of it rarely coming up...

I mean, a long time ago I decided to live day by day. love day by day. and that alone, in my single, young adult life has been way more than I can handle! but still, my heart burns with desires of more of a selfgiving, of "dying" (no I'm not suicidal, chill, I mean as in dying to self) and of service... mmm....

but I aint' angsting over it. (is "angsting" even a word?)

anywho...

I already tried religious life a couple times and yeah...that didn't work... marriage, there is no one lining up for the job of husband but I am not really interested into taking applications...mmm... then again I cannot think about becoming a Consecrated Virgin living in the world until I become more mature. And then it turns out my family is moving away so for the first time in my life I will be living "by myself".... mmmm.... I perceive a crazy discernment time looming ahead.

Living by myself means more time, having my entire paycheck for my self means stability...I think the key word in this is availability...
I'm going to become as available to Him as possible...
and see what He says...

I'll become a Sister of the Perpetual Discernment. Ha!

Thanksgiving...

I was going through old music on my MP3 player and came upon Casting Crown's "Praise you in the storm" and "Stand in the Rain"...

a part of the lyrics of both:

Praise You in the Storm
I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
...You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Stand in the Rain
She won’t turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears
if she cries that first tear
The tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain

Like you can probably infer from my choice of music from that time, I was not exactly happy. I was truly in the middle of a lot of pain. But now I stand here to say Thanks to my Lord. Thanks to my Beloved Christ who saw me through it all. Who gave me the necessary Grace. Who was right besides me. Who carried me and showered me with grace and tenderness.

Now things are better. Much better and I rejoice. The trials are still here. At times its really bad. But His Presence is evident and that changes everything. If you are reading this and you are in deep pain let me tell you this. He does care. He, right now, even though you might not see it or feel it, is giving you the strenght to carry on. He will not abandon you.

To my Lord. My King, my Good Shepherd. Thank you.

Getting to know Father.

About St. Francis of Sales from the book "Sage and Saint"

Let those who see in him only a gentle pastor watching over tender sheep and lambs in the midst of meadow flowers accompany him in his missionary combat. They will discover in him the warrior about whom Saint Paul tells us, who "has put on the armor of faith and of love; and for a helmet, hope of salvation"

This has been my experience while reading this book. I thought I knew my Father De Sales, but it turns out he is deeper, more mystical and corageous than I ever thought. I feel a little intimidated to have such a spiritual director. What will God ask of me? whatever it is Lord! Thy Will be done!