praying....

I know there is a lot of people from England/London that read this. You are in my prayers. May the Lord keep you safe.

Oh Mary Conceived Without Sin, Pray For Us Who Have Recourse to Thee

stuff # 2

Note: sorry for the lack of continuity in this post. Just wrote as the thoughts came to my head. enjoy the randomness!
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Man! you gotta read the fiction of Father Robert Hugh Benson! I finished "Come Rack! Come Rope!" two days ago and I just finished today "No other Gods." You can find his stuff here. My favorite one is "No other Gods." This one is not a historical novel, so no references to Martyrs or nothing that actually happened. But the story is beautiful in that it leaves unsaid what it has to be unsaid. You half-finish the story in your mind. But well, I have to say I've been accused of making too much out of novels and reading too much between the lines. But personally I think it is a beautiful, inspiring, joyfully Catholic (yet not overly-pious) story.
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Anywho. Next week I am taking the driving test. Another cultural barrier that's coming down, first was English, now driving, woo hoo!
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Now in a less joyful note, I have a prayer intention... I dunno if things can be solved. As for now I don't think so, but then again, God is all powerful... Please join me:

"Oh Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to Thee"

I throw myself at the feet of my Mother. Surely she'll know what to do next... Maybe She'll just tell me to shut my big mouth and listen and be quiet. Gosh.
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Father DeSales has been kindoff far off lately. I don't feel him "instructing me" as much as he did for a while. I'm not reading his letters as much as I used to, even though I ask for his intercession from time to time. Presently I think he is standing aside so other members of the Mystical Body can work their influence in me. Like Brother Rafael, the English Martyrs, our Beloved Mother and very specially the Spiritus Sanctus.

Father DeSales knows, like a good father, when to step away for a while.
Still, I pray for his intercession.

Beloved Father Francis, Ora pro nobis!

being burned out in the desert

This is a personal rant. Beware. This last year has been one of the most trying and at the same time one of the most blessed. I have moved 12 times, I have been in 10 different cities, in 4 different countries, in 2 different continents. I had to do some family crisis management. In a week I went from being the youngest daughter to being the only provider with a job that pays less than $1500.

Now things are finally settling down...

but towards the middle of this craziness life became a battle. I mean, thanks to His Grace I've stayed faithful but prayer became so structured that I felt I was squizing Him into time slots. Spiritual/ emotional/ financial struggles of all sorts started falling on me. Satan saw I was tired and decided to attack...

But my Christ loves me and would not abandon me and has kept me going and now is leading me to green pastures and to quiet waters. The other day I saw a movie based on the life of St. Francis of Assisi. And I kept thinking, where did all my zeal go? what happened to all the love in my heart? and I usually don't pray to the Holy Spirit (I know, i know) but for some reason I started asking him to come. To transform me. Yesterday at work for some reason I had to take a time management online training... and one of the activities was to rate how satisfied you are with how the different areas of your life are going ...well... it turns out I am not happy with even one of them. And the conclusion... I am burned out.

I mean...duh! but it took the Holy Spirit's power to order everything so I would realize that I am burned out.

So there you go. I am Ali (now say "hello Ali") and I just found out I am burned out.

So its renewal time. Its time to go to green pastures and still waters. I'm going to drop the church groups I am involved in (how can I give what I do not have?), start swimming again, go back to painting and above all get some solitude, spend time alone with Him. I am always surrounded by people and I am in desperate need of JUST Him for a while.

Its break time. (but don't worry! I'm not stopping this blog!)
I am going to go talk with my spiritual director tomorrow, let's see if he has anything to add. I feel good about the decision to drop things and spend some time/money in myself... I don't think its selfish because I am doing it so I can love Him better.

And I am happy because my Shepherd is truly caring for me. Its great. He is taking me into his arms and telling me to slow down. To rest in his arms for a little while. To let Him do the walking.

I love you my beloved Shepherd. I am the luckiest lamb of all the world for having such a master.

stuff, prayers and a Salesian Jesuit!

man... this just goes to prove that sometimes what I think its God's will really is not. Today my course at DeSales university was supposed to start but they sent me an e-mail saying that the course had to be canceled... probably because of lack of people signing up for it. They are sending back the check. Man. I am really disappointed. But oh well, God's will be done...

Please say a prayer for an special intention from yours truly. Something really sucky happened this weekend but hopefully it can be solved... thanks.

Now its time for a little Saint Trivia :) Who is the Jesuit most associated with St. Francis de Sales? A clue... without him we wouldn't know about the devotion to the Sacred Heart. give up?

St. Claude la Colombiere, S.J.

He was the spiritual director of St. Margaret Mary Alacoque, the Visitation nun to which Jesus appeared to spread the devotion to the Sacred Heart. Aside from his wisdom in directing souls, he was sent to England during the most virulent anti-catholic period. He was imprisoned and suffered a "dry" martyrdom. Meaning that he suffered everything except death. He was expelled from England and sent back to France where he died of tuberculosis which was aggravated during the harsh treatment he received in imprisonment. Because of his ties with St. Margaret Mary, he is a "Salesian Jesuit" if you want to call him that. He loved the Love of Christ, represented in His Sacred Heart and wrote much including this amazing prayer:

My God, I believe most firmly that Thou watchest over all who hope in Thee, and that we can want for nothing when we rely upon Thee in all things; therefore I am resolved for the future to have no anxieties, and to cast all my cares upon Thee.

People may deprive me of worldly goods and of honors; sickness may take from me my strength and the means of serving Thee; I may even lose Thy grace by sin; but my trust shall never leave me. I will preserve it to the last moment of my life, and the powers of hell shall seek in vain to wrestle it from me.

Let others seek happiness in their wealth, in their talents; let them trust to the purity of their lives, the severity of their mortifications, to the number of their good works, the fervor of their prayers; as for me, O my God, in my very confidence lies all my hope. "For Thou, O Lord, singularly has settled me in hope." This confidence can never be in vain. "No one has hoped in the Lord and has been confounded."

I am assured, therefore, of my eternal happiness, for I firmly hope for it, and all my hope is in Thee. "In Thee, O Lord, I have hoped; let me never be confounded."
I know, alas! I know but too well that I am frail and changeable; I know the power of temptation against the strongest virtue. I have seen stars fall from heaven, and pillars of firmament totter; but these things alarm me not. While I hope in Thee I am sheltered from all misfortune, and I am sure that my trust shall endure, for I rely upon Thee to sustain this unfailing hope.

Finally, I know that my confidence cannot exceed Thy bounty, and that I shall never receive less than I have hoped for from Thee. Therefore I hope that Thou wilt sustain me against my evil inclinations; that Thou wilt protect me against the most furious assaults of the evil one, and that Thou wilt cause my weakness to triumph over my most powerful enemies. I hope that Thou wilt never cease to love me, and that I shall love Thee unceasingly. "In Thee, O Lord, have I hoped; let me never be confounded."