talking about vocations...

so my spiritual director asked me the other day... do you ever think about what you want to do...er...long term? (I love him, he is so good at not being pushy towards any direction) and then a friend of mine (who is not good at not being pushy but who I thank cuz sometimes I need a push) asked me "so when are you leaving for the convent?" to make matters worse (or better?) I had been feeling in my heart the question of "what is Your Will? what do you want me to do?" after about three years of it rarely coming up...

I mean, a long time ago I decided to live day by day. love day by day. and that alone, in my single, young adult life has been way more than I can handle! but still, my heart burns with desires of more of a selfgiving, of "dying" (no I'm not suicidal, chill, I mean as in dying to self) and of service... mmm....

but I aint' angsting over it. (is "angsting" even a word?)

anywho...

I already tried religious life a couple times and yeah...that didn't work... marriage, there is no one lining up for the job of husband but I am not really interested into taking applications...mmm... then again I cannot think about becoming a Consecrated Virgin living in the world until I become more mature. And then it turns out my family is moving away so for the first time in my life I will be living "by myself".... mmmm.... I perceive a crazy discernment time looming ahead.

Living by myself means more time, having my entire paycheck for my self means stability...I think the key word in this is availability...
I'm going to become as available to Him as possible...
and see what He says...

I'll become a Sister of the Perpetual Discernment. Ha!

Getting to know Father.

About St. Francis of Sales from the book "Sage and Saint"

Let those who see in him only a gentle pastor watching over tender sheep and lambs in the midst of meadow flowers accompany him in his missionary combat. They will discover in him the warrior about whom Saint Paul tells us, who "has put on the armor of faith and of love; and for a helmet, hope of salvation"

This has been my experience while reading this book. I thought I knew my Father De Sales, but it turns out he is deeper, more mystical and corageous than I ever thought. I feel a little intimidated to have such a spiritual director. What will God ask of me? whatever it is Lord! Thy Will be done!

The Courage of Christ

Sorry for the lack of posting! I really have no excuse except that when I get into the Internet I get distracted with other stuff. But never fear! this little blog continues!
I recently purchased in Amazon "Sage and Saint" a biography of St. Francis of Sales, it is one of the most famous biographies of my dear Patron, so I am really excited!
I feel a little closer to him again, I started praying a mini-litany of the Saints after the Rosary and I always ask him to pray for me. So yeah, seems like we are back to hanging out together.

Anyway, I have just been thinking about Christ and his Courage. I've never thought about it before. He is Courageous. He is a warrior. A King Warrior. I thought about Him preparing himself for the greatest battle of good vs. evil in the Cross.

"You are the most handsome of men; fair speech has graced your lips, for God
has blessed you forever. Gird your sword upon your hip, mighty warrior! In
splendor and majesty ride on triumphant!...

With myrrh, aloes, and
cassia your robes are fragrant. From ivory-paneled palaces stringed instruments
bring you joy... "

I thought about how He went out to meet those who wanted to kill Him. He was almost defiant.

So Judas got a band of soldiers and guards from the chief priests and the Pharisees and went there with lanterns, torches, and weapons.Jesus, knowing everything that was going to happen to him, went out and said to them, "Whom are you looking for?"They answered him, "Jesus the Nazorean." He said to them, "I AM." John 18:3-5

And how he answered back to the guard who struck him. He was not intimidated.

"one of the temple guards standing there struck Jesus and said, "Is this the way you answer the high priest?" Jesus answered him, "If I have spoken wrongly, testify to the wrong; but if I have spoken rightly, why do you strike me?"John 18:22-23

How he was not intimidated by Pilate nor by anyone else. To the last moment in the Cross he was Courageous, Magnanimous, with a dignity greater than anyone else. This is the Lord I serve.

Abraham, St. John and God's Will

"The LORD said to Abram:'Go forth from the land of your kinsfolk and from your father's house to a land that I will show you'...Abram went as the LORD directed him..." Gn.12



That's today's gospel...
there is a beautiful mediation of it on the "Word Among Us" website:

As a nomad, Abram spent his life traveling from place to place with his livestock and his family. Like his relatives, he worshipped the gods of his people. Yet one day, Yahweh intervened in Abram’s life with startling generosity. He revealed himself to Abram, calling him to go to a “land that I will show you” (Genesis 12:1). And with these words, God initiated a plan that continues to unfold today, and will go on into eternity.

Abram was deeply touched by God’s revelation, and he gathered his family and his people and went where he was told to go. But God did more than give him a new land; he established a covenant with him. He promised Abram that he would bless him, make him a blessing to others, and even bless anyone who honored this man in any way. He promised to watch over Abram, care for him, and lead him to life and goodness. No longer did Abram have to wander aimlessly, without purpose. He would know that God had created him, loved him, and was dedicated to having a personal relationship with him.

Brothers and sisters, Abram’s story is our story, too. We, too, have been called by name to follow God and receive his blessings. Our heavenly Father is completely committed to lead us, bless us, and share his love with us. He has taken the initiative in our lives by loving us and sending Jesus. What’s more, he has made a covenant with us—and sealed it in nothing less than the blood of his own Son.

Think about all God has done for you, and then ask whether anything can possibly separate you from his love. You are never alone or forgotten, for God is always with you. Is there anything God won’t do to give you a share in his joy, his power, and his plan? Your merciful and generous Father chose you from the beginning of time, and he cherishes you still today. He is committed to bringing you to heaven. He longs for the day when you will join Abraham and all the saints in a chorus of praise and adoration before his throne.

A year ago I was a "nomad"... every christian that found out about my life would look at me in disbelief and then say "just like Abraham!" I moved 12 times around two different continents and 3 different countries. It was out of love for my family. I learned to Love. It was extremlly trying, but it was one of the happiest times of my life. I knew I was doing His Will. That was enough.

But now things have slowed down. Life has become going to work, exercising, eating and sleeping. A normal life. No longer a "pilgrim's" life. Yet even here, in the monotony of today, this is what He asks of me. His Will.

Usually I go to mass to the chapel in a hospital here in town. The priest is from Africa (I love how now Africa, India and the Phillipines are the ones sending the missionaries). And his homily was powerful and beautiful, the main message was this:

In the feast of the Birth of St. John the Baptist we have to think of ourselves, why was I born? just like St. John we are born with a purpose, a
mission... to do God's will. God didn't just created us IN HIS IMAGE and then threw us into the world. He made us with a propose. We are in His Image because like St. John we are also his forerunners. We come before the Lord announcing His comming. Find your purpose, ask Him and He will tell you. His Will might be for you to be a good wife, a good husband, a good child, a good worker,a good priest. If we don't do His Will we will be miserable in this life and in the next. St. John combined two seemingly opposing virtues: humility and fearlessness, let us do God's will humbly and fearlessly!

Last year I was called to be a pilgrim and a daughter. Today I am called to be a daughter and a worker. His Will is always challenging and wonderfully beautiful. And just like with Abraham, Yahweh walks with us and his generosity exceeds everyone's. I bow before You, God of my father's and my God. Your Will be done!

the Church

So I saw an article on the Crescat about negativity towards the Church. I've noticed the same thing in many blogs, and in many magazines... personally I really don't worry about all the issues in the Church, I mean, I don't justify sins in any way, but I just rest assured in that it is HIS Church. I rejoice because the Church will always be glorious and triumphant because of her Groom!!
The Church HAS ALWAYS BEEN and WILL ALWAYS BE strong. Not because its members are faithful or holy... but because the Groom is! The Groom is ALWAYS defending and protecting His Church. After all, it is HIS. Not the liberal's, not the trad's, not the moderate's, not the faithful's, not the dissident's, not yours, not mine...it is HIS Church.

So He'll take care of it. Obviously using us, but still, it is HIS. So I rest assured that the gates of Hell will not prevail.